Short version: Several years ago I decided I was going to learn to love and accept myself, no matter what. It took me 8 years and an 80-pound weight gain to get there. Today I know that it didn’t have to take that much time or gain, so now I help other women get there in a shorter time frame, without gaining 80 pounds.
Oh, and the original intention? Learning to love myself? I got there. Even WITH an extra 80 pounds, I feel better about myself now that I did in the past. Curious about the details? Keep reading below.
I’ve struggled with my self-image my whole life. Well. No. In the last few years I haven’t really struggled, mostly due to the kind of inner work I help other people with now. But BEFORE that, I pretty much hated myself.
Most of my life, I dealt with some pretty disordered eating, although I never quite met the criteria for an eating disorder diagnosis. (I joke that I tried them all so that I could be sure that none of them worked. Haha.) I’ve starved, over exercised, binged, you name it, I’ve tried it. I have stood in front of a mirror, imagining what parts of my body I wished I could slice away. The thing is, in retrospect, it never mattered how much I weighed. I pretty much always FELT fat, even when I was objectively not fat.
In my 20s I read a lot of body-image books. I applied the stuff I was reading about, but somehow, it only chipped away the top layer. I never got to a place of really feeling better. I saw therapists. Most of them said that no one ever really gets to a place of self-love, that those disordered feelings would always be there.
They told me I would never really get better. And I said no. I would not accept that answer. I refused.
I was determined to figure this out. I kept reading. I kept trying various diets, looking for the one “magic bullet.” I was still on the pendulum, swinging from accepting myself as-is, to thinking that maybe THIS NEW DIET would be the answer.
At 33, I finally hit the wall. I just didn’t have it in me any more to keep hating myself. I stopped dieting. I started putting everything I had learned into practice – not just the body image stuff, but also lifting all the food restrictions I’d put on myself, learning about moderation and how not to label food as “good” or “bad.” I learned how to read scientific studies, how to evaluate what I heard in the media against the study itself, and to assess whether it was even the right KIND of study for what it was investigating.
I years taking 2 steps forward, 1 step back, while I figured out what worked (and what really, REALLY didn’t). Some days, to be honest, it felt more like 2 steps forward, 10 steps back.
Because I was figuring it out for myself, it took me 8 years and an 80-pound weight gain. (Remember those disordered behaviors I mentioned? Yeah. I had to learn how to deal with those.)
Here’s the thing: IT DIDN’T HAVE TO TAKE 8 YEARS AND 80 POUNDS. I know that now. And I’m passionate about helping other women learn to love themselves, right where they are. I’m passionate about helping other women let go of their anxiety around food. I’m passionate about getting YOU from a place of “I’m so gross and fat” to a place of “holy-crap-I-never-realized-how-awesome-I-am.”
Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? Well, I’m here to tell you that it is just as good as you imagine it to be – AND it’s totally TRUE. If you’re ready to take the plunge and find out how it feels to really, deeply, LOVE yourself, click below to schedule a free Discovery Session.